The Temple Recommend Question We Should Think More About

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I served as a branch president or bishop for nearly six years. One of the sacred responsibilities that goes with those callings is that of conducting temple recommend interviews. As I gained experience, there was a particular question that came to mean more to me as a unit leader than it ever had before:

"Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?"

I found that far too often the members I was interviewing hadn't taken the time to really think about the question. I could relate to them. For many years, I hadn't either.

For many members of the church, I think the question is viewed strictly through the lens of abuse. And that is most certainly part of it. There's no question about that. But doesn't "conduct" extend beyond this? I believe that it does.

Though he was 14th President of the church for just short of nine months, President Howard W. Hunter left a legacy of encouraging members to be worthy of attending the temple. After passing away on March 3, 1995, the church published a final message from President Hunter in the April 1995 edition of the New Era. It was titled, "Your Temple Recommend". In it, he wrote this:

"To qualify for the blessings of the temple, each of us must ensure that our lives are in harmony with the teachings of the Church. Before going to the temple, you are interviewed by your bishop. In that interview you certify to him that you meet a standard of conduct relating to the holy temple. We want you to decide today that you will always maintain this standard and be worthy of the privilege of going to the house of the Lord."

Isn't that fascinating? We, as members of the church, certify to the bishop that we meet the standards of conduct necessary to attend the House of the Lord. I think that far too often we think that he alone certifies us. And make no mistake about it, as a "common judge in Israel", the bishop does. But it's not him alone that signs the recommend, so do we. You might recall that the final question asked in the interview is:

"Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord's house and participate in temple ordinances?"

That's a very serious question. After all, aside from God himself, who knows us better than we know ourselves? Again from President Hunter:

"You must ensure that there is nothing in your relationship with family members that is out of harmony with the teachings of the Church. We especially encourage you to obey your parents in righteousness. Parents must be vigilant to ensure that their relationships with family members are in harmony with the teachings of the gospel and never involve abuse or neglect."

Do you notice the word "and" in that quotation? There's more to keeping our conduct towards family members "in harmony with the teachings of the Church" than simply not abusing or neglecting them. As I said before, it goes beyond that.

The scriptures are replete with examples of this, but let's consider some. For our purposes here, we'll look at what Holy Writ says about relationships involving marriage, parent-child, and siblings.

Marriage

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." (Ephesians 5:25)

"Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you. And because of the strictness of the word of God, which cometh down against you, many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds." (Jacob 2:35)

"Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of pride. Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him." (Doctrine & Covenants 25:14)

Parent-Child

"And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents." (Doctrine & Covenants 68:25)

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." (Ephesians 6:1)

"Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Colossians 3:21)

"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (1 Timothy 5:8)

Siblings

"And ye will not suffer your children... that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness." (Mosiah 4:14)

Final Thoughts

Some of my favorite temple recommend interviews were with the youth. They were often refreshingly honest in how they answered questions. Overall, I think they had been taught well in terms of testimony, chastity, tithing, and the Word of Wisdom. But almost inevitably, they just weren't sure what all was meant by their conduct towards members of their family being in harmony with the teachings of the church.

"How do you treat your brother(s) or sister(s)?", I typically asked. The realization quickly came. The responses varied, but were often something like this, "We fight sometimes." I'd respond with something like, "How do you think the Lord feels about that?" They knew. And what usually ensued was a brief discussion on how they might make those relationships better going forward.

Conclusion

I could go on, but needless to say the dictum from the Lord in how we are to treat one another in our families is clear. In one regard, it can be summed up by this scripture from 3 Nephi 11:29:

"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another."

I'm convinced that when we understand better the depth of what this temple recommend question can mean to us that we will be better equipped to help our families meet the expectations of the Lord. Is it a guarantee? Of course not. Nothing is. Agency can certainly be a frustrating thing. But as President Boyd K. Packer often said during the course of his ministry:

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."

May we help our families to understand the expectations of the Lord when it comes to our conduct towards one another and being worthy of attending the temple.